Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo, Montesilvano, Italy Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo, Montesilvano, Italy Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo, Montesilvano, Italy Awaits! - A Review From Someone Who Actually Went (and Survived!)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average, sterile hotel review. I've emerged, blinking, from the Club Esse Mediterraneo in Montesilvano, Italy, and I'm here to tell you the real deal. Forget the perfectly posed photos and staged smiles, this is about navigating the delicious chaos of an Italian beach holiday.
First Impressions & the Stuff You NEED to Know:
Let's get this out of the way: Accessibility? Yeah, they've got it. Elevators, facilities for disabled guests, the works. They seem to genuinely try to make things accessible, which is a huge win. Makes me feel bad for not being able to experience it myself in the accessible ways since I'm able-bodied. Internet & Free Wi-Fi: Thank the heavens! There's Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! And it's, you know, mostly reliable. I mean, I managed to Insta-stalk my ex in peace, so success! They also have Internet [LAN] if you're feeling old-school. Wi-Fi in public areas? Yep, but you won't be glued to your screen, trust me, the view from the Terrace is too good to miss.
The Hygiene & Safety Scares - And the Reassurance:
Okay, pandemic times. The hotel is SUPER serious about cleanliness. They're practically power-hosing surfaces. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, staff trained in safety protocol, Hand sanitizer everywhere. It's comforting, actually. They offer Room sanitization opt-out available if you're feeling brave but I did not dared to use this service; I'm a clean freak at heart. Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items… it's reassuring, especially since the Italians like to hug and kiss. They had Individually-wrapped food options if you're truly paranoid. And the bonus? A doctor/nurse on call and a First aid kit. Let's call it a good investment.
Now, the Fun Stuff: Relaxation & Bliss (Mostly!)
Listen, you're in Italy. Relaxing is practically a national sport. Here’s where things get good:
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: Gorgeous! Sparkling! Clean! Perfect for pretending you're a movie star. (I did this. Multiple times.)
- Pool with view: Yeah, the view is amazing. The sea is right there. Just… incredible.
- Spa/sauna: Ah, the spa! I'm not a spa person, but the reviews were stellar, and the options are plentiful: Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage, Foot bath. Let's just say, I left feeling less stressed and more… smooth.
- Fitness center: (rolls eyes). Okay, I tried. It exists. You can feel guilty about not using it. More on that later..
My Personal, Unfiltered Take on Relaxation:
So, here's my confession. I went full-throttle into relaxation mode. Days blurred into a symphony of sun, sea, and gelato. I spent an entire afternoon staring at the pool, watching the waves, and judging people's swimwear. It was glorious. The Sauna? I braved it. I'm not sure what was hotter, the sauna or the Italian sun.
Eating, Drinking, and the Question of Pasta (Always Pasta):
Food. It's Italy, people. You know this is going to be good.
- Restaurants: So many! Restaurants, Poolside Bar, Snack Bar, Coffee Shop. You will not starve.
- Breakfast [Buffet]: A beautiful, chaotic spread. Asian breakfast, Western breakfast – something for everyone. I made a beeline for the pastries. Don't judge. Buffet in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant .
- Asian cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant - yes, they have those.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: I probably spent half my waking hours drinking coffee. Strong Italian coffee. Heaven.
- Desserts in restaurant: Gelato. Cannoli. Tiramisu. Need I say more?
- Happy hour: Oooooh yeah. Cocktails by the pool. Life is good.
- Bar: Essential.
- Room service [24-hour]: Perfect for those late-night gelato cravings (don't judge me).
My Foodie Adventure (or, the Time I Fell in Love… With Pasta):
Okay, here's my "I'll-remember-this-forever" moment. I went to a Vegetarian restaurant one evening. Now, I'm not a vegetarian, but the menu looked intriguing. I ordered a plate of pasta. It was simple: fresh pasta, a delicate tomato sauce, and a sprinkle of basil. That bite… it's changed my life. Seriously. I'm still craving it. The sauce was perfect! The pasta… I've never tasted anything like it. I'm officially addicted and now I will be on the lookout for the most simple pasta dish of my life.
Things to Do (Besides Eating Pasta and Sunbathing):
- Things To Do: This area of Italy is super interesting. There are loads of interesting cities near the location.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: If you're the kind of person who mixes work and pleasure, they've got you covered.
- For the kids: Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal – this place is definitely family-friendly.
Services & Conveniences (The Practical Stuff):
- Air conditioning in public area: Bless you.
- Cash withdrawal: Essential.
- Concierge: Helpful.
- Currency exchange: Handy.
- Daily housekeeping: They kept my room spotless, despite my best efforts to mess it up.
- Elevator: Thank goodness.
- Luggage storage: Another life-saver.
- Safety deposit boxes: Always a good idea.
The Rooms: My Personal Oasis of Sleep (and Pizza):
The rooms are… fine. They are definitely functional. They're clean, have Air conditioning, and come with all the essentials, including reliable Wi-Fi [free]. The Mini bar was stocked (score!), and there was a Coffee/tea maker (double score!). I loved my Bathtub for relaxing, not so much the Alarm clock which I hated with a passion. My Tiny, Imperfect Paradise:
Let's be honest. Club Esse Mediterraneo isn't perfect. There might be a bit of a language barrier (brush up on your Italian!), and maybe the gym isn't quite state-of-the-art. But the location is stunning, the food is divine, and the atmosphere is pure, unadulterated Italian bliss. It's the kind of place where you can lose track of time, forget your worries, and maybe, just maybe, fall in love with a plate of pasta.
The Deal – Your Escape to Paradise (and a Great Deal):
Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo, Montesilvano, Italy Awaits!
Here's why you should book NOW:
- Unbeatable Location: Sun-drenched beaches at your doorstep, close to explore the Abruzzo region.
- Italian Flavors: Endless amounts of delicious food and drinks. And yes, pasta. Glorious pasta.
- Family-Friendly Fun: Activities for everyone, from kids to the kids at heart!
- Impeccable Safety & Cleanliness: Peace of mind during your vacation.
Limited-time Offer! Book your stay at Club Esse Mediterraneo before [Date] and receive
- A guaranteed upgrade to a room with a sea view!
- Complimentary breakfast every day of your stay!
- A voucher for a free massage at the spa!
Click [Link to Booking] and get ready to Escape to Paradise! Don't wait – you deserve this. Let's book.
Chiang Mai Paradise: FREE Motorbike & Kitchen Views at Nimman Studio!
Alright, buckle up buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's itinerary. This is the raw, unfiltered, possibly slightly disastrous account of my week-long "escape" (and I use that term loosely) at Club Esse Mediterraneo in Montesilvano, Italy. Prepare for the glorious mess!
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Buffet Battle
Morning (aka the Airport Nightmare): Okay, so, Rome. Beautiful city, but the airport? Chaos reigning supreme. I swear, I spent two hours just trying to find the right baggage carousel. And the smell! Let's just say it was a potent cocktail of exhaust fumes and overripe cheese. (foreshadowing, perhaps?) Finally, I stumbled out, sweating and grumbling, and found the transfer to the club. At least the driver seemed to understand my broken Italian (or perhaps he just pitied me).
Afternoon (The Club Emerges): Arrival at Club Esse. My immediate thought? "Wow, a lot of orange." Like, a lot. Orange buildings, orange umbrellas, orange… everything. It was like being trapped inside a creamsicle. But hey, the sea! At least it's blue (thank god). Checking in was a blur – smiles, handshakes, and a vague promise of "all-inclusive bliss." Oh, the innocent folly of youth.
Evening (The Buffet Apocalypse): The dining hall. The legendary, the terrifying, the buffet. Food stretched as far as the eye could see including multiple kinds of pasta. This is where it got dramatic. REALLY dramatic. I’m not proud of it, but I went in like Hannibal at the gates. I piled my plate high with everything – pasta carbonara (pretty good!), some mystery meat (questionable), and a salad that looked like it was clinging to life. The taste was pretty neutral. I got back my table and ended up with more food in my mouth than should be physically possible and I choked on some pasta. I decided to take a breather outside before attempting the dessert. (P.S I can't even remember what the dessert was).
Night (The First Swim): After the buffet battle, a desperate attempt to burn off a fraction of the calories. The pool! A welcome oasis. Floating under the stars, contemplating the meaning of life (or, you know, whether I should've skipped that second helping of mystery meat).
Day 2: Sunburn, Seriously Bad Karaoke, and the Search for Decent Coffee
Morning (Sunburn, the Nemesis): Okay, so I forgot sunscreen. A cardinal sin. I now resemble a boiled lobster. Lesson learned: Never underestimate the Italian sun. I spent the rest of the morning holed up in my air-conditioned room, nursing my wounds and scrolling through Instagram, wondering why everyone else seemed to be having a better time than me.
Afternoon (Karaoke Massacre): And now the real fun starts. The club's entertainment crew decided to grace us with karaoke. It was… an experience. Let's just say that my attempt at "Livin' on a Prayer" may have permanently damaged people's eardrums. The only thing that could have improved it was if I was drunk, but I'm not. The sheer cringe! I couldn't look any of the other guests in the eye for the rest of the day.
Late Afternoon (Coffee Quest): Honestly, the coffee at the club was… questionable. I embarked on a serious coffee quest, venturing out of the compound to find a decent espresso. Finally, found a tiny little cafe down the street that smelled like heaven, after the disaster of the morning. A perfect, tiny cup of black gold. Restored my faith in humanity.
Evening (The Mini-Disco and the Existential Dread): The mini-disco. A sea of tiny humans bouncing to repetitive pop songs. Somehow, I was sucked in. Forced to dance, and it was… well, an experience. The existential dread started to creep in, wondering if this was all there was.
Day 3: The Beach, Beach Volleyball, and the Great Gelato Rescue
Morning (Beach Bliss… Mostly): Okay, the beach. Sand between my toes, the sound of the waves, the endless horizon… It was genuinely lovely. I even managed to read a book for a whole hour, which, considering my attention span, is practically a miracle.
Afternoon (Beach Volleyball – a Lesson in Humility): Volunteered to join a beach volleyball game with some of the other guests. Let's just say my "skills" were… lacking. I spent most of the time tripping in the sand and accidentally hitting my own teammates. Humiliating but hilarious.
Late Afternoon (Gelato, the Redemption): Needed a pick-me-up after the volleyball disaster. Enter, gelato. Found a little gelateria in town, did a taste test, and ordered a double scoop of pistachio and hazelnut. Pure, unadulterated bliss. Gelato is the answer to all of life's problems.
Evening (The Aperitivo of Dreams): Decided to treat myself to the club's aperitivo – a pre-dinner drink and snacks. I ate everything that was put in front of me. It was a delicious reminder that I was actually on vacation.
Day 4: A Day Trip, Lost in Translation and Pasta with a Side of Melodrama
Morning (The Great Departure for… Somewhere): A day trip! I signed up for an organized tour to… somewhere. I don't even remember where. I have a slight problem of not paying attention. This wasn't the best decision I ever made, but it was necessary.
Afternoon (Lost in Translation – Literally): The tour guide spoke almost exclusively in Italian, which is perfectly fine but I don't speak Italian. I spent most of my time pretending to understand and nodding enthusiastically at things that were clearly not making sense. I think I saw a castle? Maybe. I'm pretty sure the highlight was a charming little local dog.
Evening (Pasta Power, and a Minor Breakdown): Dinner back at the club. Pasta, of course. This time, I decided to focus. Slowing down, savoring each bite. I even managed to strike up a conversation with a sweet older Italian couple. It felt like a success. Then I spilled red sauce all over my shirt. Followed by a small, quiet sob in the bathroom. It was a long day.
Day 5: The Pool, and the Revelation About The Animation Crew
All Day (Pool Perfection): Spent almost the entire day by the pool. Just floating, reading, and soaking up the sun. The perfect antidote to all the chaotic travel of the first few days. I think I actually started to relax.
Evening (The Realization): During the evening show put on by the animation team, I realized that they seem to be the same actors from every play that I had seen. I think they're amazing, but I've seen them before. Does it really matter? They still brought some joy! At this point I don't think the rest even matters.
Day 6: The Farewell Feast, and a Moment of (Fleeting) Peace
Morning (The Beach's Last Stand): One last visit to the beach. Walked along the shoreline, collecting seashells. The sand, the waves, a perfect moment of peace.
Afternoon (The Farewell Feast): The final buffet. This time, I approached it with a newfound respect. Slow, deliberate, and with a sincere appreciation for all the food. (I even managed to avoid spilling anything on myself!)
Evening (Goodbye, Orange Creamsicle): Packing, then the first part of goodbye to Club Esse.
Day 7: Departure and the lingering memories:
Morning (Departure: The transfer back. All the stress of not going back home.
Afternoon (Reflection) I have now returned home, a little sunburned, slightly sleep deprived, and full of pasta and gelato. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. Was it memorable? Hell yes. And, I think, that's the point. The imperfections, the mishaps, the moments of absurdity – those are the things that stick with you. The orange is still in my mind, but that's okay!
Final Thoughts:
Would I go back to Club Esse Mediterraneo? Maybe, but next time I'm bringing a translator, a lifetime supply of sunscreen, and a strong sense of humor. Because travel, my friends, it's a messy, wonderful, chaotic journey. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Olbia's Hidden Gem: Stunning Garden Apartment Near the Lighthouse!
Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo - You SURE About This "Paradise?" (My Honest FAQ)
Okay, spill the tea. Is Mediterraneo *actually* paradise? Or just…Italy?
Alright, let's be real. Paradise? That's a HUGE word. Mediterraneo, in Montesilvano, Italy? It's…Italian. Which, let's be honest, is already a pretty good starting point.
Here's the deal: the *potential* for paradise is definitely there. Stunning Adriatic Sea? Check. Sun that can melt your face off (in a good way)? Check. Pasta? Oh HELL check. But…it ain't perfect. And honestly, that's what makes it *real*. No perfect paradise exists, and if it did, I’d probably get bored.
Think of it like this: A good relationship. Starts great, has its bumps, you work through it, you kinda love it, even the messy bits. Mediterraneo is like that. Sometimes you're on top of that gorgeous beach, and you think, "This is the LIFE!" Other times, you're wrestling a screaming toddler who just wants to eat sand, and you're wondering if you'll ever see your sanity again. (Spoiler: You probably won't. But hey, at least the scenery's great).
What's the beach *really* like? Pictures always lie. Spill.
The beach... Okay, so the pictures aren't *entirely* lying. The sand is, indeed, golden and inviting. The Adriatic? Turquoise-ish and generally gorgeous. BUT... (there's always a but, isn't there?)
First off, the umbrellas and sunbeds. Prepare to play the "early bird gets the worm (or, in this case, the shade)" game. Especially during peak season. I'm talking 7 AM alarms, my friends. Yes, I'm serious. I watched a dude practically sprint to lay claim to his spot one morning. I swear, I saw him do a handspring. (Okay, maybe not, but the desperation was palpable!). If you're not a morning person, you're gonna be battling for your spot. And by battle, I mean passive-aggressive chair-hogging with a side of silent judgment. I swear I spent more time worrying about getting a sunbed than actually relaxing on one. So, make a choice, will you live in the front row, or the back row?
Also, prepare for some…grit. Sand gets *everywhere*. In your hair, in your sandwiches, in places you didn't even know sand *could* get. Embrace it. It's part of the Italian experience. That and the occasional rogue seagull trying to steal your gelato. They're little feathered mafia bosses, I tell you.
The food! Is it actually as good as everyone raves about? (And is there enough pasta?)
Ah, the food. The *raison d'etre* of any Italian holiday. And, friends, the answer is a resounding... YES! Yes, the food is good. Very good. And yes, there IS enough pasta. Believe me, I made it my personal mission to verify this. My arteries may hate me, but my soul is eternally grateful.
The buffet situation is what it is. I had a moment of pure, unadulterated joy when I saw the pasta station. *Real* pasta, made right there, in front of you. The sauces? Glorious. I'm talkin' simple tomato, rich pesto, creamy carbonara... They have to rotate them all the time, right? That's what I hoped, but they only give you so much to choose from. And oh, the pizza! Thin crust, perfectly cooked, exploding with flavor. I swear I ate my weight in pizza alone. (And a little bit of gelato. Okay, a lot.)
However, there is a slight downside to the buffet experience (because, again, nothing's perfect, is it?). It can get a little... chaotic at peak times. Think stampede of hungry tourists. Embrace the chaos. Grab a plate, and dig in. It's all part of the fun, right? And you will find yourself doing some serious judging as to who can handle the elbows and the jostling in the pasta line. Remember, bring reinforcements (AKA your own elbows!). And no, they don't have enough garlic bread. They *never* have enough garlic bread!
What about the "Club Esse" factor? Is the entertainment any good? (Are there any embarrassing sing-alongs I need to know about?)
Okay, the "Club Esse" part. This is where things get...interesting. It's *Italian* entertainment. Which means things can go one of two ways: either amazing, or wonderfully, wonderfully cheesy. Prepare for both.
There's a kids' club. Which, if you travel with small people like I do, is a godsend. Mine actually *wanted* to go. Which meant I could actually finish a cup of coffee (a small miracle). The staff were energetic and, bless their hearts, tried to speak a little English. The little ones had a ball.
Now, the evening entertainment... Oh boy. Let me tell you about the evening entertainment. There were definitely times when I cringed, and other times when I laughed so hard I cried. I'm going to single out a specific experience here (I'm sure they do this every year, so they need to be aware of the repercussions of their actions. It's important). There was one night, when they put on a "Grease" themed show. Yes. Grease. In Italian. Picture this: you're sipping your (watered-down, let's be honest) Campari, the sun's gone down, and the "T-Birds" are attempting to sing "Summer Nights" in a language that, let's face it, doesn't *quite* lend itself to the rock 'n' roll vibe. Some of the accents were... well, let's just say it involved a lot of hand gestures and eyebrow wiggling. And the "Sandy" was wearing a dress that probably cost 10 cents at the local market. But you know what? It was hilarious. It was endearing. It was… authentically Italian. And the kids *loved* it. (They also loved the gelato). It was pure joy.
So, yes. There were probably embarrassing sing-alongs. There were probably some questionable dance moves. But honestly? It didn't matter. The sheer, unadulterated enthusiasm of the performers was infectious. And hey, who am I to judge? I was the one joining in on the Macarena later. The true sin here is watching it not enjoying it.
Are the rooms as depressing as some reviews make out?
Ah, the rooms. The most divisive topic in Mediterraneo reviews. Look, let's be real: they're not the Four Seasons. They're functional. They're clean. They have air conditioning (a lifesaver in summer). But they're not exactly dripping with luxury.
Some are dated. Some might remind you of a slightly nicer hospital room. But, honestly… who spends all their time in their hotel room when they're in Italy? You're there to explore, to eat, to soak up the sun. Think of the room as a place to crash, recharge, and avoid the midday heat. They're a place to sleep. So, yes, itHotel Finder Reviews
Post a Comment for "Escape to Paradise: Club Esse Mediterraneo, Montesilvano, Italy Awaits!"